Let Me Fall

In the song Let Me Fall, Josh Groban uses the image of falling, without a safety net, to show how one can become the person one is meant to be.  (The lyrics of this song are in my first post on this blog.)  He mentions how fear and dreams must collide.  To me, the song tells us that it takes courage to grow as a person, courage to achieve our dreams, and that there are chains, forged by society and our relationships that can hold us back,

What about creative dreams?  And does personal growth imply creativity?  I think it does.  To grow as a person, we need to seek out challenges that cause us to try something different.  Living in a rut, where everything is predictable and routine, results in a life that is static.  Many people prefer life this way because change is scary.  Probably everyone goes through times their life when they want routine.  I know I do at times, especially after a difficult period, when I need to doubt all that I thought was real or true, and the future is filled with the darkest unknowns.  But I think that everyone also needs times of challenge, new experiences, and openness to what will be.  The unknown then is filled with light.

If personal growth requires times of upheaval, does this mean that living a creative life requires courage?  And here's a question for you, can a person achieve personal growth only through difficult times?  Can we grow during a smooth and secure time in our lives?

All this requires an answer to another question - what is courage?  Is it doing something that is considered dangerous by others, or is it doing something that the person is afraid to do?  This question arose for me when I participated in a fund raiser for Camp Easter Seal.  Participants raised a minimum of $1500 and then did a rappel down a 22 storey building.  Unknown to me, my son Jesse raised the money from my friends and family.

Not every mother would be thrilled to learn that her son has arranged for her to jump off a tall building, but I was.  I'd done a couple of shorter rappels in Alaska, and I loved it.

This is me at the top and the bottom.  Once I got down, and for days after, people kept telling me how brave I was to do this.

But after my rappel, two girls were scheduled to do theirs.  They were a team, and so would go at the same time, each using one of the two ropes set up about 20 feet apart.  The announcer called their names and everyone looked up, but nobody appeared.  I knew that one of the young women was nervous, as we did our practice 15 foot drops together.  My friends and I waited a while, as we wanted to see if they both did the drop but we had arranged to meet some other people for a celebratory lunch and so had to go.

I later found out that the two women did do it.  The people on the roof, the Drop Zone people and the experienced rock climbers who helped everyone into the harness, gave them all the time and reassurance they needed, and there was no pressure.  The one girl went much slower than her team mate, but she did it.

And so, who was the brave person?  I don't think it was me.  I wasn't frightened at all, I looked forward to it, loved every second of my rappel, and wished I could do it again as soon as I was at the bottom.  She was terrified, but she did it anyway.  Imagine how good she now feels about herself.  She faced an enormous challenge, and showed that she was capable of something she didn't think she could do.

Another question - is bravery the same thing as courage?

Getting back to courage and creativity, I confess I am frightened often when I am writing.  I often sit frozen at my keyboard before beginning a new story.  The idea is so great in my head, and I'm scared it won't be great once it's on paper.  I make myself write it anyway, and I can do so only by removing all expectations.  I convince myself that it doesn't matter if it's garbage, that I'm writing this first draft as a form of play and exploration.

So I guess that I do find personal growth through creativity.  I let myself fall into the new story, into the unknown.  But I'm still not sure if courage is a required part of creativity, whether in living a creative life, or in the act of creation of a story or quilt.

What do you think?  I'd appreciate any and all thoughts on this.